3 parrots for sale in a pet shop at £170, £140 and £10.  A woman asks why is that parrot so cheap. The shopkeeper replies "It used to live in a brothel." The woman thinks this is funny, and so buys it.
When she gets home the parrot says "fuck me a new brothel". The woman chuckles. Her two daughters come home and the parrot says "fuck me new prozzies", the girls laugh too. Then the husband comes home and the parrot says "Fuck me, alright Paul long time no see!"

A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee
for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to
$500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he
opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He
presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and
model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks ( she's no dummy ), 'I have an idea. It's so
sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do
the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for
myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least
iron it!'