A new member and a blog

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Hello , I am a new member to the site, and although I have been keeping marine fish and corals for many years it has had its difficulties which I hope you will allow me to share


As a recent newbie to this site I thought I would let you know the trials and tribulations I have been through , in the name of fishkeeping.
I have lived in Spain for 30 years, and a couple of years ago I decided to continue with keeping marine fish.
I had my first attempt at keeping marines in 1979.
I kept looking at this big space in my dining room, and thought it would be a good idea to have a purpose built tank in there.
Any normal person would have started with a medium sized tank, but not me, why not have a tank made that would fill this space I thought. So for the next couple of weeks I began designing all kinds of weird shapes, do I go for glass or that plastic stuff, do I go tall or short.
I decided to buy a glass tank from a company in Scotland, (seemed like a good idea at the time). I sent them the measurements and within a couple of weeks it was made. 3 metres long by 80cm x 80 cm. They asked me questions like, what kind of filtration are you having, and how many weirs do you want.
I thought this was some kind of Scottish thing so I told them to make 2 weirs and that the filtration system would be under the tank.
The tank was to be supplied with a stand and it was going to have cupboards and things, great I thought, the wife likes cupboards.
The next project whilst waiting for the tank to be made was to sort out the filtration. On to e bay we go and find what looks like the ideal system, an Aquamedic riff filter 2000 with sump. I bought it without much care and attention to detail and as I was going to England the following week decided to collect it in person from some place called Warrington.

I collected the said sump and system which was being dismantled as the owner had seen enough of Warrington and was fleeing to France.
To say it was a squeeze getting it into the Easyjet Mercedes corned beef car is an understatement, however the tank was being delivered the next day into Stoke on Trent and the guys from the tank company in Scotland were delivering it.
I must add that I have an import company and the transport was not a problem. The 40ft trailer was loaded with my business items and I left enough space for the tank and the filter system.
The Jocks arrived on time and said they would need 8 more men to help to unload it, they were 3 in total. I managed to find 8 Polish guys standing on a street corner and with the promise of monetary reward persuaded them to help.
Now the back of a 40 ft trailer is high, and no matter how we tried could not lift it high enough, talk about heavy. so onto 3 pallets, a forklift truck was used to get it on board, together with the filter system. The polish guys had received their 5 pounds each for 5 min work and were heading for the pub.
The doors were closed and I packed the tank with loads of blankets, not to keep it warm but to protect it.
Five days later the trailer arrived at my warehouse in Mallorca, I was excited and couldn't wait to open the doors.
When I got inside the trailer the tank looked fine apart from a 6 ft crack going from one side to the other.
The tank was split at the base, I stared at it in disbelief. One of my workers looked at it and said smugly
YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT SOME BLANKETS UNDER THE BASE. It never fails to amaze me that after the event everyone's an expert.
For the next few days I sat in my office with the tank on pallets outside in the warehouse. By this time not only did my staff giggle every time they passed my window, but the neighbors from the various warehouses also popped round for a laugh.
To compound matters I had to tell the wife the bad news, but true to form I said that it was just a minor crack and that it would be sorted. My nose grew another inch.
Its strange when you try go to sleep that if you start thinking fish things its guaranteed you will be awake most of the night. When I did go off to sleep that night I dreamt of water splashing out onto the floor, fish gasping for breath, and my wife with her suitcase.
I decided not to panic, and arranged for a local glass company to come to the warehouse to try and resolve the problem.
2 lads turned up the following day, they looked like Jedward, and they stood over the tank with that sucking and gasping that only comes when you know this aint goanna be cheap.
Now this tank because of its size had been made with extra thick glass, it takes 8 strong men to lift it, so when Jedward said they needed to take it to their place I agreed to their request. They changed their minds within 2 minutes of trying to get it into their van which looked as though it had just come back from the Paris Dakar rally. So it was decided to put a complete new base on the tank from the outside, and that the glass would be made the same thickness as the original base. This would add another massive weight to it. What a good idea.
2 weeks later Jedward returned and put the new base on leaving the original split visible from the inside.
I would deal with that problem later.
Another week passes as I was under strict instructions from the blonde twosome to let the silicone go off. I didn't understand where it was going off to, but I agreed.
The following week I arranged for DHL to collect it from my warehouse and take it to my house.
One of my staff said, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET THAT THROUGH YOUR DOOR. I said that it would be wide enough, but as I muttered those words I felt what can only be described as a toilet feeling going through my body.
I arranged for DHL to deliver it and also as there were no Polish type people about I mustered 8 of my sons best friends to help, not knowing that 5 of them were smoking that weed stuff and that they only agreed because they were unaware of the tanks size, and had heard previously from my son that dad pays for 5 minutes work.
I have photos by the way of the moment they turned up at the house and tried to lift it. I will try and photobucket it with tomorrows hopefully final installment.
suffice it to say the tank would not go through the door or any windows , so it was either to take the roof off the house or knock a hole in the dining room wall for the tank to fit through.
The wife was out at work, I had 6 hours, what could go wrong.
I will continue tomorrow if anyone is interested



Gav

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Reply #1

Welcome to the forum , looking forward to the next part  :D

ajm83

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Reply #2

Quote
I felt what can only be described as a toilet feeling going through my body.

A feeling I know only too well!  Welcome to ReefBase, please continue!  lol

Paddone

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Reply #3

 lol welcome!

jukeboxjury

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Reply #4

Thanks for the welcome messages
Heres  part. 2

THE WALL.
I must however explain about the wall. I live in a house that is over 100 years old, the outside walls are made up of large dry rock walls, behind these are block work or breezeblock reinforced with steel. I think when the house was built they were expecting a war between the Spanish and the Arabs.

So there we were, the DHL man looking bored, eight of Spain's finest druggies, and me looking at a one ton tank in the back of a DHL lorry.
Now Spainish are very good at making their ideas known, but when push comes to shove,(and there was about to begin some shoving) they really are useless. These lads were no exception. For 10 minutes they sat on my garden wall having a smoke, we were 6 hours and counting before the wife returned home, the DHL man was moaning that he wanted to go home to feed his pigeons, and I was measuring the dining room wall with a broomstick handle cos I couldn't find a tape measure.
The Spanish team then decided to burst into their favorite song, IS THEESE THE WAY TO AMADRILLO they sang, (it was beginning to get on my nerves,) even DHL man knew the words, how quaint I thought
Miguel who was I would say 9 stone wet through, and a worzel Gummidge lookalike said that if we put 5 pallets on top of each other and situate them half way between the DHL lorry and the dining room wall, we could have a rest, (and a smoke) and then when suitably rested we could continue the onward journey of 12 yards towards the wall. That seemed sensible coming from Worzel, and did seem the best option.
It was clear that once we managed to manhandle it out of the lorry that said DHL man would be away with his pigeons, so I knew it would be a waste of time to ask for his help.
So we commenced stage one. Four of us on each end, huffing and puffing, and after a nod from me and a un, dos, tres from Worzel, the tank was lifted and we moved step by step towards the pallets. Onto the middle of the pallets down it goes, and rests precariously on the pallets. I breathe a huge sigh of relief, Worzel looks like he's burst a blood vessel, and the rest of the gang sit back on the wall, you've guessed it for another smoke.
Now all I have to do is to knock a small hole wide enough for the tank to fit through, put the stand up in the dining room, slide the tank through the hole, and lift the tank up and onto its majestic final resting place, as that meir cat says on that advert SIMMMPLE.
5 hours 30 minutes to the arrival of the wife, how pleased she will be to see the tank I thought becoming very pleased with myself, a feeling that would last for a staggering 10 minutes.
My son who was very quiet up to this point asked if I knew what I was doing. Now when you have kids, (he is in his early thirties,) you dont want to admit to him that you have absolutely no idea what is involved in making a hole in a really thick ancient building, so I sent him into the garage to find a heavy duty drill, lump hammer, and one of those mask things that doctors use when doing operations.
Now in my defense I did make a mark on the outside of the wall which was meticulously marked with the broom handle, and as X marked the spot I commenced the drilling. 3 drill bits later and having made progress by making a small dent in the brickwork, I decided that the lump hammer would have to called into action.
Now I really must cut this part down to a reasonable size, needless to say the clock began counting down really fast, and the 5 hours and 30 minutes was quickly 2 hours and 10 minutes, and although the major stone work was now rubble on the newly paved patio, the breezeblock was proving difficult.
All of the gang, including Worzel had put in their bit of banging skills. I was so concentrated on the job in hand that when I went to the fridge in the garage to get more beers for the lads I noticed that the DHL lorry was still there. It was then that I saw DHL man sitting on a grass verge legs in the air and laughing uncontrollably into his mobile phone. I was to learn later that there was a live feed from his mobile to DHL Headquarters, the pigeons would have to go hungry.
Okay so we finally made a hole in the wall, Worzel then said I should have made the hole at floor level, instead of 3 feet up the wall, (another expert) I must admit it would certainly have helped but as there was no going back, (tick tock) we attempted to lift the tank through the wall at chest height. Now I dont know whether you can picture this scenario, but we managed to get it half way, we then up- ended a pallet and put it at one end of the tank, and did the same at the other end, the result was that half the tank was in the dining room and the other half outside in the driveway. Worzel suggested we fill it with water and that it would make a nice feature.
Then, as if the job was done the motley crew said that they were off to watch some football match that was starting at 8 pm. I looked at my watch in total disbelief, 10 minutes and counting, a tank sticking and balancing on pallets and the sight of them scurrying away was not a comfortable feeling.
Then all was silent, apart from me and DHL man who was holding his hand out, I thought he was doing a John Inman impersonation, but apparently he wanted a tip.
He went, the wife arrived in her jeep, I went to the toilet and stuffed toilet paper in my ears.
Funny isn't it when you expect a bit of a discussion, nothing... I went downstairs, my wife didnt speak I even said how nice her hair looked. It was going to be the old silent routine, ok I can handle it, tomorrow it will be sorted as long as I can get the A team back I thought.
The wife sat in the lounge with her arms crossed, (always a bad sign) I peered through into the lounge, cup of tea I politely enquired, silence.
On the telly some guy was jumping off a high building roof, David Bowie was singing IS THERE LIFE ON MARS, and I thought
I bloody hope so David, I bloody hope so.
Part 3  soon.

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HK_Fuey

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Reply #5

This is hilarious!  Keep it coming  lol

jukeboxjury

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Reply #6

Trust me, it wasnt at the time.

HK_Fuey

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Reply #7

To upload photos, click "Go Advanced" and then you can either click "Add Files & Photos" or just drag 'n' drop them onto the blue area.

jukeboxjury

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Reply #8

Continuing with THE NOB HEAD TANK

I have some photos somewhere on my computer of the DHL Lorry and the helpers, I will try and look them out as a few photos will give credence to the blog.

The thing that I have failed to mention so far is COST, not just to my marriage, but to my wallet.
If you pay by credit card it doesn't count I told her, trying to convince myself and my bank manager.
Why do you need to up the limit on your card he asked with that look of a car salesman telling you that the car has only 20,000 miles and never been rallied.
So far the tank, the repair, DHL, the filter system the lighting system not to mention the impending cost of the wall were all beginning to add up, and I spent many a morning waiting to intercept the postie and screw up the bank statements.
So my advice to anyone considering going into this hobby is to seek medical advice first, and then to make sure you don't keep fish receipts in your jeans, or invoices for 100 kilos of live rock and sand. The miss's is going to wash those jeans you never take off eventually and find them.
You will start reading magazines, joining forums etc you may even start reading instructions on the back of products. You will buy more additives than you can get from your local Chinese restaurant, and your shelves will look like you've opened a chemist shop. On top of this you will be bewildered do I need a kalkwasser that guys got one on the forum must be good, what is a kalkwasser I must get one, e bay now. PH up PH down, PH sideways, nitrates, nitrites, ammonia does it ever end.
You will be the star at parties when you explain the nitrogen cycle to people who think it's some kind of Olympic event.

The saga continues.

The following day, Saturday the tank and the pallets remained in situ. There was no reply from Worzels mobile, and my son had ex communicated himself from his dad, so it remained suspended for a week. During this time the wife who was now in her 6th day of holy silence had a telephone conversation with her mother in Stoke.
I ear wigged part of the conversation and it didn't sound good, either she was off to see her mother, or even worse the witch was coming to Mallorca.
I don't know which filled me with dread the most as she has never liked me, her daughter could have married a brain surgeon from Stoke, but somehow ended up with a total loser, (her words not mine)
At least if she was off to her mother's I could work in peace I thought, (maybe a silver lining)
However to cut a really long story short she arrived on her broomstick the following week, by which time I had arranged for the crew to re assemble in a kind of way that Take That did that re union thing.
I had fully intended to repair the wall, and in a moment of madness I suggested to the wife that it would be a good idea to continue with the nautical theme and put a port hole in. That didn't go down well, and indeed imagine my surprise when this guy turned up at the door and said he had come to measure up for a new aluminum double patio door with fancy green shutters.
I immediately took a dislike to him as he was built like one of those men who dress up as fireman and appear at ladies hen nights, to put the final lid on it he had his own tape measure, (bloody show off)
The tank was still sticking through the hole and he acted as though it wasn't even there.
My wife appeared with one cup of tea, (for Mr. Smarmy) and then went into long conversation about the new windows which were to be double glazed, I ask you, double glazed.
After taking his many measurements and flexing his chest he strutted off with the words to me NICE RELAXING HOBBY FISHKEEPING. I should have kicked him in the balls there and then.
So at least the wall problem could be taken off the list of things to do before you die.
The next week end the crew were assembled and reported for duty minus one. Apparently Worzel had swine flu and needed a distemper jab, so instead his brother who we will call Worzel 2 appeared.
After much talking and heaving the tank was finally put onto the stand, the lights had been installed and were suspended from the ceiling, the pipework had been done at the rear of the tank and now we were looking at the tank in its right full place, I was so happy, one of the happiest moments for a good while. The mother in law had been sitting in the lounge putting a final varnish on her stick when her head appeared round the corner with the immortal words ITS TOO BLOODY BIG. Thanks for that I thought, I asked Worzel 2 if his brother could come over later and breathe on her.

MORE TOMORROW..........

Paddone

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Reply #9

I think I found your tank on YouTube...

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jukeboxjury

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Reply #10






I sat in the middle of the dining room looking and admiring the tank when I had this thought, the filter system was going to be installed under the tank inside the unit, the filter system was in the garage. I dashed outside to measure the protein skimmer which is a shorty 5000, wow that sounds good. However the broomstick handle told a different tale, it was too high to go into the unit. The sump also would be a problem. That night in our icy cold bedroom (she was now uttering words of 2 syllables to me) I tossed and turned, drew imaginary sketches in my mind and slept the sleep of the mentally insane. You know when you have one of those eureka moments, I sat upright in bed the next morning, dashed downstairs and opened the mahogany unit next to the fish tank, with a little jiggery pokery I could cut a few shelves out, take the doors off, and bobs your aunty, a fully functional filter system. Only problem would be to tell the wife that her mother's wedding present was to be altered. Whilst imaging the installation I looked round to see the witch looking at me, she scowled and went into the kitchen for her morning witches brew, could she have read my mind and knew of my intentions, or was the sight of her son in law naked too much for her to see. I am not Billy no mates, I do have a friend called Carl, he is older and wiser than me. I KNOW WHAT YOURE THINKING. Anyway we decided, I say WE, so I could blame him at a later date, we decided to take off the doors and fit the filter system in there. We did it on a Friday as they were both off to have their roots done, so its normally a 4 hour job. Once they were off I phoned Carl who was waiting in a lay by up the road. Carl used to keep marine fish and still had a 600 litre tank, he had been keeping fish for years, he was my godsend. Unscrew the doors fit the filter system, silicone gun, ball valves, pipework with bends at different angles, it was going well. All done in 3 hours, we screwed the doors back on, and from the outside looking through the smoked glass you couldn't even tell it was in there, apart from 2 shelves we sawed off, and the toby jugs and Wedgewood plates which we would have to hide for a while. The witches of Eastwick arrived back and that night I nervously waited for the doors to be opened, thankfully I got away with it for nearly a week, Ross McWhirter, Guinness book of records informed. We went out to a dinner dance the night before she discovered the unit had been tampered with. She was in a great mood, and at the table was even recalling my exploits with the tank and the hole in the wall, everyone had a good laugh except me, I knew that my conjical rights were on a knife edge and my personal parts would also be in the same state, however the night ended up real good. My philosophy is get it while you can, how true that was. The following morning after the dance, I skipped merrily downstairs, to my horror the unit door had been slid open. The mother in law was looking for her favorite Toby jug, I just said we had moved it upstairs. She said ok. My goodness the old blind girl hadn't looked down and had not seen the sump. I nipped back upstairs with a cup of coffee for my beloved wife. Happy days. Do you remember the school holidays when you were a child. The summer hols, six weeks without school, you thought they would never end, but of course September comes around your mum takes you to be fitted for your school uniform, or if like me she just let down the turn ups from last years trousers and make do, even though your arms stuck out of your old blazer. Anyway the point I am trying to make is that the time did come round, and my wife discovered the unit had been vandalised Saving grace was that the mother in law flew back to Stoke the day before the discovery, I couldn't have put up with stereo nagging, so it came to pass that yours truly was back in the mire. However a little domestic dispute did nothing to dampen my enthusiasm, and I decided the time was right to fill up the tank and perhaps even put some of those fish things in there. It was at this point that I started to read articles relating to fish keeping, in particular regarding salt water aquariums. I think I already mentioned that I had my first saltwater tank in 1979. Reading the articles in front of me I  started to gather that things have really moved on since then. I had never heard of a sump system and I am indebted to its creator Mr Sump for its inception. I had never heard of most of the equipment either and so began a brand new learning curve to which I am still at beginner level. So for the first time in ages I read, and it soon became clear that you cannot just fill the tank with saltwater, throw in a few fish and sit back. I was looking at the filter system, one of the compartments had bio balls in them, at this point it is necessary to say ISNT GOOGLE MARVELOUS. Look up bio balls, now I see the idea, what does that protein skimmer really do, Google it again, really that's clever, and so it goes on and on, (a bit like this article) I did go down to my local fish store at this point, they had one saltwater aquarium and a few fish in them, and the owner was really friendly. He became my best buddie when I ordered 100 kilos of live rock, and sacks and sacks of live sand. His previous record for an order of live rock was five kilos, he would remember this day for ever. Going back to the tank I decided to mix some salt for the tank, and then for some strange reason I had a moment of common sense. I will half fill the tank with tap water just to ensure that there were no leaks, I felt so proud of myself for this decision, and so with newly acquired hose pipe began filling it with the water. Well I know you are all thinking that I bet it leaks, well it did but not until I was in bed in the icy cold bedroom. Again another point worthy of mention apart from it being November, we had fitted wooden floors to the dining room and the lounge the previous month, I was off to England on business and the wife had seen on the telly this advert from a company called, FLOORS TO GO, OR FLOORS 4 U OR FLOORS SOMETHING OR OTHER, anyway one of my tasks set for me to do apart from calling in to M&S to buy her an uplifting bra something called a wonderbra, its a wonder I wasn't arrested buts that's another story. So I bought the required amount of floorboards, which magically click together so easily that the salesman said a 10 year old child could do it. Unfortunately I couldn't find one of those, and ended up paying for a Spanish guy who was on the dole but arrived at the house in a BMW X5 to come and fit them, and a really good job he did I must add. When I was loading them onto a 40 ft trailer in Stoke, the guys gathered round expecting another tank extravaganza, I was sorry to disappoint them. Back to the fill up, as the water level rose I was pacing up and down the tank like an expectant father, I stopped the filling up process which took nearly an hour, as I didn't notice until later that the wife had come back from the shops and parked her front wheel on the hose pipe, I still claim she did that on purpose. For most of the afternoon and evening the aquarium was looking good, and I even went to the expense of putting a piece of insulating tape to mark the level of the tank water, I couldn't kick start the filter system for obvious reasons. I also forgot to mention that I bought an aquarium chiller whilst in England as it would be needed I thought in the summer months. It said on the instructions that it was and I quote, WHISPER QUIET. Which I totally agree with, it is WHISPER QUIET until it reaches its temperature set point at which time it sounded like a Moto GP bike. The chiller had to be installed in our lounge cos there just wasn't any other place for it, this meant drilling two holes through a joining wall for the inlet and outlet pipes, another job done by Carl and me whilst she was out. This also meant that it was next to the plasma TV. According to the manufacturer LG, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO HAVE THE VOLUME ABOVE THE SETTING 27 OR SERIOUS EARING IMPEDIMENT MAY OCCUR. The fact is unless you put it on setting 30 you had no idea that the fat bird on the telly was singing HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE MARIA. I went to bed that night content in the knowledge that we were finally getting somewhere, the guy at the fish shop had even offered me a free moray eel, (big mistake) Another learning curve, if your local fish guy offers you ANYTHING free its because some poor soul he has sold it to before has had his fish collection decimated by this creature, and he sees you as his savior. Its horrible to be in a deep comatose sleep to be awakened by the sound of an hysterical woman, ITS FLOODED, ITS FLOODED she wailed. By the time I had awoken my feet were in a river of water. Now on a positive note, and this is a blessing in a strange kind of way I discovered at this point that the floor was not completely level and that the water was eventually making its way through the kitchen and out through the back door, convenient I thought. The next four hours were spent with mop and bucket, I did say to the wife that at least it was only tap water and not saltwater, this had little effect and the silent routine began, it was 8.31. am By mid day the water level had subsided and luckily the water had been diverted from going into the lounge because of the sloping floor. Have you ever had a flood, it's really weird no matter how many towels you use the water doesn't seem to go away. I ran upstairs having used all the towels from the mother in laws bathroom, our bathroom has, (sorry that should read HAD ) very white fluffy tuffy ever so soft wooly feeling to them and were excellent I thought for the mop up process, this is the point that the wife's silent routine ended, seeing her towels on the floor and me wringing them out over the kitchen sink. Okay so I didn't remove the dishes from the night before, SORRY. She went ballistic, now we have been married 34 years, I think that's right, but I cant remember her using such expletives, this is a woman who I have never heard break wind in those 34 years. She disappeared into the garden, and it was 8pm before I saw her again. The problem with wooden floors from FLOORS ARE CRAP AND ARE NOT WATERPROOF is that no matter how hard you try,  water appears from the cracks every time you stand on them, and make a noise like my stomach did during her rant. The tank was empty and once the floor was tsunami free I went about looking and hoping that one of Carl's pipes had come loose, (then I could blame it on him) It wasn't his fault, the tank was still leaking from the base, it was JEDWARDS FAULT I explained to my pretty petite wife that evening as the silent routine once more raised its ugly head. I did ring Jedward and I was told by some snotty bird that they were out of the country for 2 weeks (probably Paris Dakar I thought, so I asked Carl who had that look about him which said I WISH I NEVER GOT INVOLVED. I located the leak in the base of the tank, Jedward must have run out of silicone and decided to leave the country knowing full well what would happen There was nothing left, I would have to roll up my sleeves and silicone the crack. There was no way I was going to get Worzel and co back to up end the tank so as I sat staring at the monster I decided to GOOGLE. I put in LEAKS ON AQUARIUMS and pages and pages of useless stuff came up, including one guy from Norway who siliconed his wife to a washing machine. The next day I went to our shop which is like a B&Q store, in there they had rows and rows of silicone tubes, some it said were transparent, and others in a range of colours, I bought 6 tubes, the ones that you need to use with a gun, I got one of those as well. Again another interesting point, when I got home I needed to go to the loo, and took a tube of silicone with me, as I had read the Practical Fishkeeping magazine I had bought in England in fact the pages had become tattier than a girlie mag. It was at the point of no return that I read on the tube the word TOXIC. Now although the wife's mother wanted a brain surgeon as a son in law, it doesn't take one to realize that TOXIC and FISH do not mix. Back to the store to change the tubes, which they refused to exchange because I had previously threw the receipt out of the window to prevent another scene. I then decided to seek assistance from my buddy at the fish store, I recalled the events of the previous 24 hours, and although he tried not to laugh, he couldn't contain himself. He did offer me a product which he guaranteed was toxic free and ideal for repairing leaks, I bought his entire supply, he had NEVER previously sold any, he was a happy chap, and again offered me the moray eel for free, what a nice man. I loaded the gun and climbed into the tank using stepladders to get over and inside, wow this is really cool in here, I can see why fish like it so much I thought. At this stage in the proceedings I should have swam out of the tank and got onto Google and type in, THE DANGERS OF ASHPHXIATION AS A RERULT OF SILICONE INHALATION. I started to silicone the offending corner and could even see where Jedward had missed, I have already explained that the crack from the original break was still going across the base of the tank, and because I could see no sign of leakage from there, I assumed all was well. It was at this stage in the proceedings I began to feel light headed, I assumed it was the depth I was diving at, but a thought occurred that it might be the silicone as my eyes were getting sore. I was almost finished and decided to do what the miners of old did. I picked up the budgies cage with chirpy chirpy cheep cheep in it, We called him this because he never shut up and we were given him free. The budgies sensitive nose would detect the smell of the silicone, and it would only take another 20 minutes and the job would be done The wife arrived home as I was gently lowering the cage into its position, she took it out before it could draw its breath. I continued and was quite pleased with the job, I drew the curtains until it was almost dark, shone my torch into the general area and there was no sign of a crack, I would go to bed that night knowing it wouldn't leak, I was 100% confident, mainly because I didn't put any water into the thing.

ajm83

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Reply #11

Bloody Jedwood lol  lol  lol

jukeboxjury

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Reply #12


THE RANT CONTINUES




The tank stood empty for 3 days, the wife began to speak, it seemed that as long as I didn't put water in the tank my marriage would be bearable. I spent many a happy hour during this 3 day sabbatical sitting on a stool in front of the beast watching the silicone go off. The wooden floor also seemed to have settled down, and apart from some wide gaps in between the boards it looked like my rant re FLOORS ARE CRAP AND NOT WATERPROOF was totally unjustified. Xmas was soon approaching and I wanted to get this up and running so we could sit in the dining room as a family and watch the fish swimming happily by, while I tucked into a plate of smoked salmon appetisers. It was around this time that I received a xmas card from DHL, it had a picture of a smiling fish with a santa hat on its head, nice. My son came round for lunch on xmas day and bought me a blue mop and bucket, the mother in laws present was a tape measure that doubled up as a spirit level, I got nothing from the wife. Now I am not one to preach, in fact quite the opposite but there is one piece of advice I would like to impart for your consideration. HAVE PATIENCE, HAVE PATIENCE, HAVE PATIENCE. Its not ok to fill the tank and throw in a few fish, there IS a process. That all I have to say on the matter. So the tank, for the second time was filled just 3 inches above the base, the piece of insulating tape I had used before was still in its position higher up the tank, I re attached it to the new level and waited. Now you would think that if there was a leak, even a teeny weeny one, that it would show after 8 hours . You are probably way ahead of me at this point, and hoping in some perverse way that the tank leaked onto the floor again, well you're right it did, but the crafty beast waited again until nightfall and I was safely in my bed. I even came downstairs at midnight to check all was well, it was. The icy cold bedroom was thawing up to this point, and you can imagine my total shock when the sound of FLOOD , FLOOD sounded from below, I thought she was having a laugh so I stayed in bed for another 30 seconds, but her second round of FLOOD, FLOOD, made me realise that she was serious. I was later to recall on an Easyjet flight from Liverpool to Mallorca that my wife reminded me of an Easyjet airline stewardess, not because she had hairy armpits, and spilled tea on your lap, no, because they scream in a similar way when explaining what to do in the case of crashing into a mountain, BRACE BRACE. There's something weird about travelling from Liverpool, no matter what flight you catch, no matter what time of the day, there's ALWAYS a drunken scouse stag party or hen party on board, the reason I digress is that I was standing in the queue waiting to go through the scanner machine and there were a bunch of ladies ( I am being polite) behind me, one had a s**g me quick hat on, and the others had T shirts which said something about Cheryl's breasts being on tour. The reason I mention this is that I was carrying hand luggage only, and put the bag onto the conveyor belt, inside my bag was a really big solenoid valve which I wanted to attach to one of the pipes on the tank so that in the case of an electrical cut, the solenoid valve would kick in and the water from the weirs would not cascade into Mr sump land and flood the floor. Any way the flight was delayed because my bag was put onto an x ray machine. Just as the airport was going to be evacuated, I explained to the little purple faced security guard that I was a fishkeeper and not a terrorist. The sniffer dogs were friendly, and although Cheryl's breasts were delayed by almost 30 minutes we were on our merry way, the 2 wires sticking out of the hold all had apparently caused quite a stir. To make me feel even worse for spoiling Cheryl's jolly in Magaluf, the pilot announced that he was sorry for the delay which was caused by a security incident. I slumped low into the chair. I wanted to go to the loo, but decided not to, to prevent booing and hissing from the girls, who were ordering tequila slammers with tomato juice, the stewardess explained that we hadn't taken off yet. Oh yes, the floor was flooded AGAIN, although on a scale of 10 from the previous incident it only got a 6 on the sphincter scale. Mop and bucket, squelch, squelch, silence, silence. It was at this point that I lost my cool, I had been pretty philosophical up to this point, but something inside snapped, although it could have been the rubber band on my wallet bursting open as my credit card was going to be making another guest appearance at the fish shop. This is NOT going to beat me I thought as the wife picked up the phone to her mothers. I rang my fish guy, the special silicone, all six tubes had been used up, so I asked him to order me 18 tubes of silicone. I could almost hear him booking his holidays, EIGHTEEN, he said DIEZ Y OCHO, MADRE MIA, GRACIAS, GRACIAS. I put the phone down, I had already decided my next move, come hell or high water I was going to silicone the whole of the base of the tank, all 10 feet of it, I would shoot it with so much silicone that it would not dare EVER AGAIN to leak, I was possessed, and there was no going back

jukeboxjury

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Reply #13

A FEW PHOTOS

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jukeboxjury

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Reply #14








That night in bed I started the process in my mind, I could use nearly 2 tubes for each 12 inches, but to make sure I did a proper job, I would ring my buddie and double the order. He would no doubt get an accolade as the silicone retailer of the year awards at some posh fish event.
 That night I was climbing some stairs, I had a piece of floorboard under my arms, there were some people sitting in chairs, it went something like this
 
 Hello dragons my name is Mr nobhead and I have invented a floorboard that is impervious to water. I am looking for a million pounds for 1% of my company called MY FLOORBOARDS ARE BETTER THAN YOURS DOT COM
 Douglas Turpentine says ARE YOU OFF YOUR TREE, THIS IS A PROBLEM THAT DOEST EXIST, AND FOR THAT REASON IM OUT
 That little greek guy Theo popadopalis says, YOU WANT ME TO SPEND MY KIDS INHERITANCE ON THIS GET OUT YOU IMBECILE
 I am just about to walk down the stairs when that Debra lezzy bird says, I REALLY LIKE IT, IF ONLY I WOULD HAVE HAD ONE OF THOSE FLOORBOARDS WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL KEEPING MY MALAWI CICHLIDS.
 I start to look really pleased with myself
 I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I WILL DO ,she says
 I WILL GIVE YOU ALL OF THE MONEY FOR 1% OF YOUR COMPANY AS LONG AS YOU MAKE MAD PASSIONATE LOVE TO ME ON THE STAIRS AFTER THE SHOW
 I wake up in a cold sweat, the silicone has affected my brain.
 
 If youve been paying attention you will have gathered by now that this has become personal, I was at this point in the proceedings expecting the wife to say EITHER THE TANK GOES, OR I GO.
 
 She didnt, probably because she woudnt have liked the answer. I can fullly understand why people get road rage. Its endemic of the way we live our stessfull lives I suppose.
 I got a phone call a couple of days later, I had in the waiting period completely dried the inside of the tank, and the phone call was a very excitd fish shop man, ITS HERE, ITS HERE he shouted excitedly down the phone.
 I went imediately to the store, our friendly fish guy was waiting at the steps of the shop with a wide grin.
 With credit card in hand I paid for the 2 cases of silicone which had come with 12 tubes in each case.
 
 I was in a silicon gaze driving back to my house, I had bought another mask, the one I had before was covered in brick dust, scalpel, I mean stanley knife, blades, I thought I had everything to attack the tank. I was going to attack it during the hours of darkness, as it had attacked me a couple of nights previously, but thought better of it.
 I climbed into the monster with a bucket in one hand and six tubes of silcon in the other, I still had a couple of towels which were not ruined from the previous flood, I had even hung them on a washing line to dry.
 Once inside I laid everything out like I was about to perform open heart surgery. My knees are not good, and when I was in the tank the last time I thought I would need knee replacements from kneeling for so long. This time I was prepared, I had borrowed a couple of T towels from the kitchen and taped them to my knees, they worked a treat.
 I did forget one item, as I cut open the tube at an angle, Id previously remembered seeing that programme on the telly where they go and reform someones house, and the bird who doesnt wear a bra was cutting the end of a tube with a stanley knife, AT AN ANGLE.
 The gun was loaded, I began at what we now call THE JEDWARD end of the tank, after using one complete tube I decided that it would be better to smear the whole base of each section with a suitable implement. Out of the tank, into the kitchen, I find a really cool spatula that is used for putting the icing on her cakes, (she loves cooking) why they ever decided to make it a cake spatula I dont know, it was perfect for silicon smearing. To avoid any conflicts I would wash it with domestos later.
 Back into the tank and 4 hours later it was done, I had used 14 tubes to a thickness of about half an inch for the complete base, I had to climb out to do the last bit and hang over the side like one of thos mountaineers ab sailing down a mountain. Also during the event the main lights came on the tank which was great for inspection purposes but I became hotter than Wayne Rooney in a brothel, so had to get out to turn them off.
 Okay, so I stood back admiring the handywork, the silicon would go off in a couple of days, and then the beast could be filled up, job done I was pleasantly confident even though my eyes were again running. I put it down to happiness.

 
 

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